So many people fear even the very thought of becoming "selfish" when in reality, that is precisely what is necessary in the path of becoming truly unselfish. Understanding what you need and loving yourself helps you more than any other way could in understanding what others may be seeking in terms of desire and fulfillment, and you may also find that the ways you treat yourself come from sources that appear to be entirely external from you. Food, sleep, lust, all of these sorts of pleasurable things are in a sense, "other" to you. So you love yourself by participating in passions outside of you? Well, that doesn't make much sense; furthermore, I find that the only way one can truly be selfish is in the constant seeking of approval from another. What will this approval give you, but a version of yourself that is entirely a facade, a persona? In other words, you without your being aware of it or not, become a liar; a liar not only to others but to yourself. And that is why you feel so consistently at odds with your own inner being because you refuse to accept the truth within; the most important truth, yours.